No questions asked. Flying sucks for a number of reasons but let me tell you my tale before you go off criticizing me for being a miserable bastard.
It was a typical morning in a hypertensive airport, Philadelphia Airport to be exact. As I stood waiting in an looooooooooooooooooooooooooooonggggg line, I gladly handed over my ID and boarding pass to an attractive 30 something flight security guard. I smiled cheesily and said Good Afternoon. In my head I was scathing and thinking "What's so good about it!" It was then that something hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. Over the airport loudspeaker came a generic, processed voice of a woman
"This is Southwest flight 1260, we're still waiting on passengers, Kyle, Jenna and Scott to board. Kyle, Jenna, and Scott, please report to the gate 8 immediately."
My heart sank...I looked around thinking if this flight leaves without me, how am I getting to Pittsburgh. I looked around like a puppy with his tail between his legs. I quickly glanced at my watch. Adrenaline was rushing through my body. I paused...
"It's only 3:17," I reassured myself. "My flight doesn't leave until 4:25, how can this be?"
I quickly caught the attention of a portly blond woman. Her cool blue eyes gave me comfort and I cried out in desperation. "They just called my name, I don't know what to do." I glanced down the endless security check line. She shot a warm smile. "Just go to the front of the line."
I raced through the terminal dodging everyone in front of me. I finally reached gate 8 and with a red faced pant I muttered the words...."Is this the flight to Pittsburgh?" The woman looked at me puzzled...."This flight is going to Phoenix, Arizona. My heart sank for real this time
"OH MY GOSH, I MISSED MY FLIGHT!" What am I going to do?" I panicked internally. "I'm going to Pittsburgh," said a young voice. "The flight doesn't leave until 4:25 though." I felt a sigh of relief splash over me. I had been traveling for three hours just to get to the airport, changing trains, waiting on platforms, I was just ready to get in the air. But why would that not be as easy as I had thought?"
"We here at Southwest, value your patronage and we would like to let you know that your flight is two hours behind schedule because of air traffic controls," an affirming voice sang.
....of course.... I thought to myself. Why would this be easy?
"We do have open seating here at Southwest so you are welcome to take any seat as you enter the plane," said the voice from no where. But that wasn't easy either, especially when you're boarding group C! My eyes fell on a perfect window seat so I greedily grabbed it, stuffing my carry on bag in the overhead compartment. It was then that my comfort was disrupted by an overwhelming shadow. The largest man on the flight was also looking for an open seat....and guess where the seat was?
you guessed it. Like a predator in search of his prey, the larger than life, suspendered man plopped down in the seat next to me, squishing his larger than life body and his wide ass right next to a once content me. Now jammed into the window and desperately squirming to make my own room, the flight finally lifted off the ground. I thought "Boy what a day."
I fell asleep to numb the pain I was in from being an amateur contortionist as I desperately claimed my 49.00 seat.
For this and other reasons, it's never easy or fun to travel by air. Granted it's economical, smart, a time saver really....unless your delayed forever and stuck between a fat man and a window
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