On peeing...on a train!

Quite frankly, peeing on a train may be the hardest thing I've had to do in a while. I guess I should begin my story by letting you know that I was commuting on Jersey Transit this morning when it theurge suddenly struck me to urinate. I ignored said, urge and continued to read the terribly boring book entitled Marie Anoinette. After all, If I were to get up in the middle of that book, I might miss something terribly epic, like Marie Antoinette being frivelous yet again with her money...or her secret supposed lesbian life, and for the romantic age, that's pretty fucking hot...

I thought to myself...boy I could really pee right now!

But Marie Antoinette? It's so engaging...I guess I should pause here...

Some of you may be wondering why the fuck I'm reading Marie Antoinette on the train, or perhaps you may be wondering why I'm even reading it and my guess is as good as yours. Apparently it's for this stupid class I'm taking that I need for graduation...or something. Oh Higher Education, you're so unnecessary at times...so anyhow

The urge was becoming as epic as the thick book wedged between my fingertips. So I decided to venture to the train bathroom. As I walked through the train cars, I felt like a tight rope walker barely able to keep his balance and as I passed people, all they could do was look so uninterested. They were probably thinking things like

Am I in New York yet?

I finally happened upon the trains bathroom. I swung the door open and was bombarded with the smell of day old piss. The bathroom was dimly lit but ce la vie? I unzipped and began doing the intuitive thing all men do. I aimed and began the gentle flow until the train jerked forward and I landed just inches away from being bathed in my own piss. The train conductor must have had a field day with me because he didn't stop at just one jerk.

HE HIT EVERY BUMP HE COULD...I'd punch him in his fucking face If I saw him on the street. All I had to do was pee and he decided to go off the damn track while I was performing my duty.

My conclusion to all you men out there is to wait until the next stop to relieve yourself and do it quickly. The conductor is bound to know when you enter that bathroom and he'll make your casual experience a living nightmare.